Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Hi!
Morning and I'm in a hurry. So I'll just post something I got somewhere. This you might enjoy. Tell me about it. And by the way, my manuscript seems to be somewhere in a locked folder on my hard disk. I'm still looking for it.

These are from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.

Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.

Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.

For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.

For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.

For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.

For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.

For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.

H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.

If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.

It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.

Liter: A nest of young puppies.

Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.

The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.

The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.

The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.

To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium.

To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.

When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.


Question on a recent science exam:
How can you change your mass without changing your weight?

My friend's answer:
Eat McDonalds while exercising.

1 comment:

Suvro said...

I recently came across a beauty in Maths.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

01. Who understand binary arithmetic.

10. Who don't.