Sunday, June 15, 2008

My wandering mind and all


1. power outage baby
Years ago, the power went out in San Francisco for a long time. Nine months later, there was a certain increase in birthrate. If you were born nine months after a power outage, you are a power outage baby.
e.g. Thomas is a power outage baby.

The last coupla days we had a major power outage. It prevented me from finishing a longish dissection of Chetan Bhagat. It also reminded me of this phrase from urban dictionary. That in turn reminded me of a term of endearment we frequently used in college. Which, euphemistically translated, would read like, "born out of a burst prophylactic." Amazing how the human mind works, huh?

Like I said, I was in the middle of a diatribe on 3 mistakes, a shallow novel for shallow people like me. When the pointlessness of the exercise hit me, I was too far gone. So I thought I'd post that anyway. However, there were other, more significant matters gnawing at my mind in the meanwhile. Namely, what makes Savitha Bhabhi such a rage?

No, I don't think the site targets the minds of young Indians and is more harmful than many other mainstream porn sites, like some enraged people think. I don't even believe the site will appeal particularly strongly to the teenager of today. What it appeals to, greatly, is the fifteen-year-old in all of us greying and about-to-grey Indian male. Those who grew up not on electronic media, but on those thin books in yellow covers, hidden inside textbooks. Though the visuals seem to heavily borrow from mainstream adult entertainment of today. Didn't see much of reverse cowgirl and DP (links NSFW) in those good old yellow-cover days, eh? That way, it embodies the best of both worlds. Plus the serialised strip format. Always keeping interest alive for tomorrow's page. Yeah, that's the secret of her success. By the way, the page would do better to add an age verification thing at the start, for that's the standard procedure for attracting underage viewers.

Speaking of their standard procedure, I'm reminded of the many many BAD places I've gone to on the net. Which in turn, brings us to the crux of this post, an anecdote on what may come off going to those places. This was an incident involving a colleague, one Rajesh Kumar (name changed).

This was in the year 2000 or 2001, way before India had seen broadband. Our Rajesh had recently acquired a dial-up connection at home. One night, after the family had gone to sleep, Rajesh got a little naughty and adventurous. It is difficult to ascertain exactly where he started (it was all so long ago) but desibaba, a great site of those days, would be a good guess. One click, however, led to another, and presently, old Rajesh was in the land of bliss.

Exactly what triggered the onslaught would yet again be difficult to guess, cause by then, Rajesh was clicking away with gay abandon, but it must've been a loose click on some entirely wrong button, and all hell broke loose at once. Cascading windows started to open on Rajesh's desktop. All pointing to very nasty places, with lurid graphics and stuff.

At first Rajesh tried his best to close the windows as they opened. But, this was clearly a battle of unequals. If Rajesh had been blessed with three pairs of hands with half a dozen mice in them, he could still give those windows a run for their money, but such was not the case. So the windows kept cascading @300/min and Rajesh' eyes were popping out.

I know you will jump up and ask why didn't he invoke ctrl-alt-del. The answer to which is i) Dear Rajesh was a technically challenged person, (he still is) and ii) he had lost his nerve at that point in time. By the time he got around to try and shutdown the pc, it had stopped responding completely.

Rajesh then, had no option but to cut the power. In fact, so shaken was he, he yanked off the power chord from its socket as well, for good measure. He then went to the kitchen and drank two tall glasses of water. The house was quiet, everybody sound asleep. Rajesh took deep breaths. Twenty of them. He gathered himself. Only then did he sneak back to the pc and boot it.

But this evil malware, it had him by his balls by that time. It had a bulit-in dialer (we later gathered from his narration) which sat cosily inside startup and connected as soon as the OS loaded. The windows came roaring back again! Much credit to his ready wit, Rajesh knew what to do this time. He pulled out the telephone line from the modem. He said, "Take that, bastard!" and waited.

I guess today nobody uses IE anymore, but there's a feature with IE which used to be very handy in those days of slow speed dial-up. It allowed you to view full pages offline. Somebody must have turned on the feature on Rajesh' computer, and it was not him, for it was clearly beyond his ken (again, something we figured out later from his account). That feature now told heavily on rajesh' already pounding heart. For even with the modem disconnected, his screen was rapidly getting splashed with those lurid windows. Rajesh held his head in his hands and stared at impending doom. A sweat broke out at the back of his neck. It was the end of January.

Rajesh looked towards the bed where his six-year-old son was sleeping. Like other geeks of his generation, the brat would start the pc first thing in the morning and engage in Mortal Combat.
Morning was but six hours away. What's Rajesh gonna do?

5 comments:

narendra shenoy said...

I had a couple of friends who got into serious trouble at work over porn. One guy, I am told, accidentally turned on a nudie powerpoint during a presentation and nearly lost his standing in the organisation. Only his missionary zeal and dog-style devotion to the firm saved his posterior from landing the pavement.

Sud said...

I am waiting with baited breath for the next post to see it what happened next. Man, you can write the script for ekta kapoor, I am told by my grandmom she's the latest rage amongst the aging Indian women

Ms Taggart said...

Aha.. so someone has read the new mistake by Chetan Bhagat..
The other day, I almost picked up the book from Crossword telling, when I have paid for the first two mistakes, I'd rather pay for the last one also.. but then wanted to wait, read reviews and then decide if I really want to spend 100/- on that book.. :)

Off to read the other post, where I see his snap...

Partho said...

Naren

We all know there are basic golden rules in life, one of them being never to keep porn on your office laptop. Looks like it's where your chap faltered. Never had problems over porn at work otherwise. In fact, our company firewall hasn't got the whiff of Savithaji as yet, so we usually check the daily updates at office.

Sud

Hmmm, Ekta Kapoor? You think? That a compliment? Actually I'd love to imagine the turn of events in the next episode, if this were one of her serials. The next morning, the CPU of the computer would've disappeared, along with Rajesh. A bloodstained shirt hanging in the balcony. Through repeated tight close-ups of Rajesh' family members faces, a suicide note would be discovered in the bathroom over the next week or two. Rajesh would of course, resurface, after a face reconstruction (change of actor) within a quarter. About the mystery of the PC, who'll ever remember till then?
The real story was a bit of an anticlimax. That's why I left it at that. Tell me what you'd do in his shoes.

Ms. Taggart

Much appreciate your dropping by. We're giving out early bird discounts for readership of this blog. By the way, sis, we were discussing serious porn problems here. If you are more interested in Mr. Bhagat, well then, you should comment on that post with his mug over there.

Sud said...

You put me in a spot now. Given that my knowledge of technology begins and ends with stock prices of microsoft and apple, and that my girlfriend left me because I couldn't set up yahoo messenger, I am only glad I dont have a six year old son starting up my computer every morning. That said I guess, it wouldn't be a bad idea to take this opportunity to share a few tips of the reproductive trade with the kid. Should make him rather popular at school.