Friday, May 09, 2008

Sitemeter Blues

Looks like it was not such a hot idea writing that piece on litti-chokha. Though whatever little traffic I get on this page is more than welcome, it's not a very amusing thought that gentlemen from Turkey and Israel should land up here from google searches for litti-porno and naynon porn. What in the world are these deviant forms of entertainment they're seeking, I wonder? Among these two, the second chap has paid me a visit twice, the first visit being weeks ago. Bloke sure seems to be earnest and desperate. I can't, for the life of me, figure out what have I done to deserve this special favor from m/s google. The fun, per se, hasn't yet started on my blog. Not that I don't think of giving it a go sometimes. Anyway, I wish the Turkman all the very best. May he find what he's looking for. And when he does, he should send over some of the stuff.

In the same context, I feel sorry for the person who just alighted here from a search for "Ghee manufacturers in Bihar". None of your fault, dude. Happens all the time with these wicked search engines.

Google Adsense, in the meantime, has proved to possesses a great sense of humor. They're frequently splashing their space with exiting lines like " Ultimate Potato Peeling Solutions" and "Are you watching your cholesterol?" BTW, does anybody know how I can claim from them the sixpence that's so rightfully mine thru' all these adverts? Last I heard, one needs to have a social security no. in Amreeka to make that claim. Any hope for us desi Desis, anyone?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Mujer de mi hermano,La

Does eating exactly 20 grapes for breakfast make you radiant and succulent like Barbara Mori? Must it take an impotent man to be cold in what is obviously a heated pool at night with his horny young wife, who has recently rediscovered her sexuality through an adulterous affair? Can fornicating only on Saturday nights raise your ying or something? Isn't it odd that “Soy alĂ©rgico a los peces” is an expression you learn early in Spanish classes? (Is it a genetic thing in the Hispanic race which makes them largely allergic to fish?) Why should the walls in the master bedroom of a wealthy entrepreneur (where much of the action take place) look like the walls of a warehouse? What will make a man piss in the pool in his older brother's home after having sex with the brother's wife?

A barrage of such questions, and more, raced through my mind as I sat watching La Mujer De Mi Hermano . And Peanuts man that I am, I was like " no,yes,no,yes,maybe, what do I care?" Y'know, Peppermint Patty and Sally Brown rolled into one.
It's a bit late in the day writing some review for a three-year-old film. But some things just have to be done and be away with. Ever since I heard of barbara Mori and utubed her, I'd been looking for her much talked about bona fide movie debut. Then, they say, if you really really want something, the whole universe, and the torrent networks, will come together to get it for you. They are right. So I've had the film on my hard disk about a month now but since I waste so much time moonlighting on other peoples' blogs, I could finish watching it only this evening.

With a title like My Brother's Woman, can you expect anything more than an arty skin flick? Does the film raise profound ghosts on subjects of Catholicism, abortion, homosexuality? Is the backdrop of a Latin American society and their family values essential to the narrative? Have I ever seen an issue like sibling homosexual exploitation being brought out in a movie? Is there any other surprise in the storyline? Did the predictable ending disappoint? Does the film work, as any sort of meaningful cinema?

Why not, yes, very much, nope, none, no, and yes, sort of.

And finally, does Barbara Mori rock? Am I fan now? Am I looking for her other films too? Do I think casting her in Kites was a good idea?

YESSSSS! Yes,yes and I don't think so.

While finishing, the best piece of dialogue : ( On the morning after)

Zoe's gay friend : For the love of God! Wipe that guilty look off your face. I wish I woke up with something to feeI guilty about.
Zoe( Mori) : Look at how he left, that is--
ZGF : Who cares how he left? What matters is how you came.

Stupendous! Four stars.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

I mean business

I have since long had this business plan. Last night I was reading Naren's groundbreaking business plans which started giving me ideas, and in no time I was climbing up the shelves and dusting off this old DPR volume. I've also posted the gist on his comment space. But that doesn't make it his intellectual property now, does it? Feel free to steal, only after paying me my finder's fees, a paltry fifty grands (greenbacks, silly),plus taxes.

Let me, at the outset, clarify that I do not hail from the illustrated state of Bihar. But I've lived in the vicinity long enough to have tasted, on many occasions, a Bihari delicacy called litti-chokha. Recipe here.

Pic source :
I'm sure the downmarket version one may also notice as street food in many big city ghettoes of India infested by Raj Thackerey's favorite cousins. Do note that it makes for an uber-healthy, wholesome vegetarian meal. It can also be made completely cholesterol-free by making the ghee(clarified butter) dip optional.(won't taste the same, of course)

So, here's my business plan :

Product : Microwavable designer litti-chokha

Product description : Spicy baked doughballs in dip(ghee optional) with assorted veggie mishmash

Suggested Brand name : Choklittoes

USP : Wholesome nutrition of wheat grain cereals, gram and assorted vegetables in designer ready-to-eat packaging.

Designer logo : A piece of sal leaf laminated into the wrapper ( OK OK so I borrowed that one)

Target customer : 1. Health and style conscious professional who needs to make a statement with the workaday lunch he eats, preferably in the company of peers.
2. Sucker.

Retail Price : $ 19.95 for a pack of two doughballs with mishmash and dip(ghee optional : packs containing ghee dip will cost $24.95).

Manufacturing : Sourced from Bhojpuri designer litti company of Chhapra, Bihar@ $19.95 per 100-pack carton

Quality Policy : Will tell the Bhojpuri fellows....forget it, they invented quality, right?

Apart from the obvious profitability of the proposition, it will also generate a good deal of employment locally, and hopefully ease some irritation off the Mumbaikar's mind. I'm sure the scheme will find instant support from Nitish Kumar and Laluji.

There's one small catch. Unlike in Guangzhou, China, they do not have an existing facility for every manufacturing need at Chhapra. A small investment of $10000 will be needed to help the chaps set up their packaging unit. Which will pay itself back in a matter of weeks, of course.

Since you people seem to hobnob with a number of VCs, would you consider selling the plan to one of them, for a handsome 2% of the profits?

We're going to miss you, Dubya

"Worldwide there is increasing demand. There turns out to be prosperity in developing world, which is good. It's going to be good for you because you'll be selling products in the countries, you know, big countries perhaps, and it's hard to sell products into countries that aren't prosperous. In other words, the more prosperous the world is, the more opportunity there is,"

This man simply won't cease to entertain. I can't add to the counter-argument. I sort of agree with Subodh Verma on this. But while humorless Indian politicians rage and rant, I can't stop smiling at the phrasing. Really, does somebody write those circular statements for Dubya? Or does he add his own finishing line? In other words, is it a prepared thing, or is it his own personal touch? See, I couldn't write like that if I wanted to?

Many public figures have been known to put a foot in the mouth. This man could easily walk inside his own abdomen. What's the world gonna do for fun when he's gone?