Jungle jungle phool khila hai...

Dear people with very large photographic equipment,

Please do kindly keep it in mind that your 1000x zoom attachments may actually look very threatening to man and animal. Especially animal. You can't blame a two and a half year old tiger for mistaking them for Howitzer cannons. He is but an adolescent yet to learn the ways of the world. It speaks volumes for the great lineage and upbringing of the Bandhavgarh tiger that he keeps his composure and sang froid in front of a 100-strong motley crowd from all over the world brandishing what look like deadly weapons of mass destruction. Do also realize, that when you are there to see the tiger and tiger will most likely come to you (they've signed an MOU or something) you don't really need the zoom. Tigers are large animals, clearly visible to the naked eye and an average camera. If you must keep them screwed on, cover them up with a cloak or something. You can even cover yourselves up with it, like the photographers in the early twentieth century. Once you are done seeing the tiger, you can bring out the zoom all you like and shoot birds and lizards aplenty.
You sir, the dignified looking elderly gent wearing animal planet logo all over your attire, (were you really from animal planet?) must remember that it is bad form to sit head and shoulders above and in front of everybody on a jeep with pimped up seats when all else are causing serious damage to their neck muscles trying to catch a glimpse from their standard issue open-hooded gypsies.
Dear lady with the 42'' waist pair of jeans,
It intrigued me no end as to what you and your boyfriend kept looking at through your ginormous zoom lens in the Kendua tree at white tiger forest lodge, all morning and afternoon. Yes, I understand there must've been some birds there, but don't you think the rough and tumble of the tiger show in early morning called for a restful day spent with a drop of ale and a 3000 calorie power lunch, fit for the tiger, spread out by the excellent culinary team at the lodge?
Speaking of which, dear reader, it's a party out there. And to quote one Mr. Mark Knopfler, you may kiss the cook, indeed. He's gold. They don't make cooks like him anymore. He just ladles in the LDL. Never shies away from throwing 700 calories into a dish that could've been done within 250. You may call it sinful. I call it grit and chutzpah.
All minor peeves aside, you must come to Bandhavgarh. That's where it's at. (Yes, Dylan.) And hit your triglycerides for a six.

Travel rant

The rhino doesn't much care. In places like Kaziranga and Jaldapara wildlife sanctuaries, they're used to seeing scores of human clowns everyday. I hear Kaziranga is better. But our travel plans involved Jaldapara in West Bengal. Prior to the overcast and frequently drippy morning on elephant back in the J forest, we had spent two anxious evenings inside two other beautiful, lush and scary jungles, at the Jayanti forest which borders Bhutan, and at little known Chilapata which was more exciting in terms of flora. But it was "wild" elephants we were after. And we missed them by a whisker. Or that's what the guide would make us believe. He was the cat's whiskers. The jungle is a world of make believe. Some travelblog says, only morons aim to see big game when going on a jungle safari. I knew that before I started. But I learned a few things as I went along:

a) The jungle is a beautiful place, and the green does your eyes a world of good if you don't strain them over that elusive fauna. It's ok, really, just listen to the birds twitter. There will also be fowl and pheasants road running, one feels sanguine. Even peacocks, in these parts.

b) If possible avoid the company of guides. They will only weave a spell of high drama. If not possible, turn a deaf ear. It doesn't help to know that wild tuskers had blocked the road day before yesterday at exactly the same spot where you have now exhausted your 20x in all directions. Even makes you afraid to go take a leak by the wayside.
c) The forest rangers and tour guides have numerous tools to impress the lay visitor, viz. life size rubber stamps of big cat feet, which they apply at strategic positions, so every guide on every jeep knows where to look. See below.

d) There are two kinds of animals. The elephant is a stray animal. The tiger is a prey animal. Nobody really knows when and where stray animals will be sighted. However, it is almost certain that a prey animal will not be sighted during an orchestrated morning/evening safari.

e) When you ride on an elephant's back, it will move and you will shake. Stir in the low light inside the jungle in early morn, and you've got a photographic situation not suited for amateurs. The only real rhino I saw, up close, and for about 5 whole minutes, could not be bothered to sit up in the middle of the nullah. Our good man,
the mahout, tried to give us plenty shooting opportunity. I took about 10 shots, the best of which is here, post photoshop. Still lousy. You can see, you need to
know your ISO and white balance and shutter speeds extremely well. I did not. Probably my wife's got a better video. She was on a different elephant and they saw the R standing up. The handycam was smuggled in. You practically have no option. These stupid people will charge 25 bucks for a still camera and 300 for video. In the day and age when you can record passable video on almost everything. I promise to link up that video soon as I learn how to upload something to utube. Help, anybody?

But the tour itself was not half bad. We moved on to the hills in the latter part. Caught the aftermath of a huge hailstorm. Sampled the produce of Bhutanese distilleries, which was a revelation of sorts. Spent a night at a bungalow ghost stories are made of. All of that in part II.



P.S. I have figured out how to upload videos to Utube without help. So, here be.